Hyper-Reflective

As I am nearing my first-ever marathon, I am finding myself hyper-reflective and often emotional for no apparent reason. It's amazing what the mind does when all sorts of endorphins are stirred up, and how thoughts run through your head as your body runs 20+ miles during training. I never really wanted to run a marathon. I started thinking that my interest in triathlon was waning & what could I do to get the drive back? Should I do an Ironman before I'm 40? Well, if I even want to consider that, I should probably try a marathon. Then if that works, I should probably ride a Century ride or two. And so it was.

I have been reduced to a sobbing heap in my coach's arms at the end of runs, and I have never felt judged (thank God). And I am feeling gradually welcomed into this strange club of fellow runners who subject themselves (sometimes regularly) to marathons. And I feel connected to friends whom I've only known peripherally until now. My training group is incredibly supportive, and it never feels like we're competing. And that is such a welcome relief.

I am also toying with ideas of what to do with the rest of my life. Personally, professionally, socially, you name it. My job has not been terribly satisfying for the last 9 months for a variety of reasons. And a recent event has made me really question a lot of things on that front. I can think of a couple of things I would like to do just to change things up, but they would be completely unrelated to my professional background. It's scary to consider making a leap of faith, but the thoughts that swim through my head during long runs are also very exciting. I am amazed at how resilient some of my friends are, and I wonder if I encountered similar circumstances, would I be as well?

I recently read a book that has filled in the gaps of a powerful story I have been following on a blog for the last year. As I sit here now, blogging AND working (yes, I have been working) I am listening to a webcast of an interview with the author. The story she has told is sweet, yes, but the weeping I experienced while reading the book and during this interview, I think, is more marathon-induced.

And I can't find my keys. They've been MIA since Wednesday when I returned from a much-needed yoga class, so they have to be here somewhere. The more I try to find them and can't, the more I want to cry. But why? I have a spare car & house key. Is it the PetCo discount card that never actually saves me anything that I'm so stressed about? Or is it that they may have gone out with the trash? Who knows, it's just keys, but I'm so hyper-sensitive right now!

I swear I am not a basketcase, but I sure feel like one lately.