Friday, May 25, 2007

Chocoholics Anonymous

Ok, so I have a problem. I love chocolate & it's consuming my life. Last night at the Pub Run, several folks enjoyed a few pieces of chocolate from the pirate's chest; however, I FEASTED on them. I counted 14 total that I ate. Brad and I concluded that chocolate actually tastes pretty good with beer. It also tastes good with popcorn, peanut butter, nuts (primarily almonds), marshmallows, cookies, cakes, coffee, milk, banana nut bread... See? I have a problem.

One of my favorite things is the No-Pudge Fudge Brownie Mix. You just add non-fat yogurt and bake or microwave & you get some delicious non-fat brownies. I even like that there's a single-serving recipe on the box - 2 tbs. mix plus 1 tbs. yogurt, microwave for a minute & you have a perfect serving. For some reason, I seem to think this entitles me to simply repeat the process several times. Before long, I've had 3 servings. They're just warm and gooey and chocolately...

Someone last night, I believe it was Josh, was saying he'd been to a "bacon party" where everyone brings a bacon dish, or a bacon "product". I commented that I could definitely understand a chocolate party, and then he said "yes, well someone brought chocolate-covered bacon." The sad thing is that when he said that I thought to myself, "I think that would be tasty." I know, I'm sick.

I'm not yet ready to enter a formal program, but I've heard that they really work. I've started outlining my 12 steps for when I must take the plunge:
  1. Admit that I am powerless over addiction to chocolate & that it often makes my life unmanageable
  2. Accept that a cocoa-free lifestyle can restore my sanity (or just make me periodically grumpy)
  3. Make a decision to turn my will over to the care of anyone without chocolate
  4. Make an inventory of all chocolate products in my life
  5. Admit to myself and at least one other person the exact nature of my chocolate problem
  6. Be ready to remove chocolate from my life
  7. Humbly ask everyone to remove chocolate from my reach
  8. Make a list of everyone harmed, shoved, or kicked in my quest for free samples at Whole Foods
  9. Make amends to those harmed bystanders
  10. Continue to take an inventory of my secret chocolate stashes
  11. Seek to abandon my contact with chocolate, in all it's glorious forms (although, I prefer dark chocolate, melted)
  12. Through the spiritual awakening resulting from taking these steps, try to carry this message to other addicts, and practice a chocolate-free lifestyle

For now, I'm just going to make another single-serving of the No Pudge brownies.


Kris said...

This is hilarious, Shorey!

Glenda said...

MMmm, I'm in the same chocoholic club. I'll have to check out those single serving brownies :) My latest vice has been perfecting the recipe to make close-to-single serving batches of chocolate chip cookie dough. There is only so small a batch you can make, I learned from experience, before it just doesn't come out right. But at least if I have to have it I can make a pretty small amount now!

MikeW said...

you are too funny! hahah